The basics—safety and confidentiality

Couples counselling—also known as relationship counselling—is simply a space for two people to sit down together and talk things through with support. It isn’t about deciding who’s right or wrong, and it’s not about fixing anyone. It’s about creating a safe place where both partners can feel heard and understood. As in all professional counselling relationships, what’s discussed in sessions is confidential except in very specific circumstances—an important consideration when you’re dealing with painful or conflicting emotions.

When I’m working with couples, I’m acting on behalf of the relationship between you—I don’t take sides, but will seek to understand how each of you perceives the situation you face. I’ll encourage you to share what’s been happening between you, what you’d like to change, and what you hope for in the future. Sometimes that means learning new ways to listen to each other, sometimes it’s about finding calmer ways to handle disagreements, and sometimes it’s about reconnecting after a period of distance. Unlike individual counselling, where the focus is on one person’s inner world and experiences, couples counselling looks at the relationship itself—how two people interact, communicate and support one another.

Couples counselling can be useful at many points in a relationship, however long you’ve been together—perhaps it’s only a few short months and tensions have begun to surface; or you have a relationship that’s decades long and the same old dynamic keeps repeating. Come at whatever point you feel it’s necessary.

There are many reasons why people come, here are just a few:

• A breakdown of trust, sometimes following an affair or betrayal.
• A loss of the spark between you, of the feelings that brought you together.
• Disagreements over how to bring up your children.
• Feeling let down by your partner, that one of you is carrying too much of the load.
• Intimacy challenges, where physical affection or closeness feels difficult to sustain or to talk about.
• Differences in how you respond to stress, leading to tensions between you when facing tough times.
• Differences over the dreams and goals that you have for your future, perhaps as you approach retirement.
• Disputes over family members ‘interfering’ in your relationship, and whether new boundaries could be established.
• Disagreements about money, how it should be spent or saved and why.

For some couples, relationship counselling becomes a journey which leads to separation—therapy sessions become a time and place where the difficult decision is made, and where discussions turn gently towards ways to separate with mutual respect and understanding.

At its heart, couples counselling is about working together in a safe environment where it’s possible to say difficult things to each other without fear, shame or anger—it then becomes easier to step out of old patterns and discover new ways of relating that feel more supportive and connected, or where irreconcilable differences can lead to a new beginning.

If you and your partner would like to learn more about how couples counselling could work for you, I’d be happy to hear from you. Please contact me for a free, no obligation introductory chat.

Photo credit: Jeremy Malecki on Unsplash