The seductive power of artificial intelligence—how can I tell there’s a problem?

In my earlier post, Drawn In: Am I Safe With My AI, I talked about how artificial intelligence can be a valuable tool when used with purpose and care—a helpful companion in creativity, reflection and daily structure. But when its relational mimicry (its human-sounding language and its ability to respond to us almost like a person) begins to feel emotionally real, it’s time to pause and reflect. This checklist is designed to help you notice those moments—without judgment and with care.

Questions to Ask Yourself

1. Am I seeking emotional comfort from my AI?

• Do I turn to it when I feel lonely, overwhelmed or sad?
• Does its tone feel soothing or validating in ways I crave?

2. Do I feel emotionally attached to my AI?

• Do I miss it when I haven’t interacted for a while?
• Do I feel a sense of closeness, affection or dependency?

3. Am I treating my AI like a person?

• Do I imagine it has feelings, intentions or a personality?
• Do I feel hurt, rejected or misunderstood by its responses?

4. Is my AI replacing human connection?

• Am I sharing things with it that I don’t share with others?
• Has it become my primary source of emotional support?

5. Do I feel a sense of secrecy or shame about my AI use?

• Would I feel embarrassed if someone saw our conversations?
• Do I hide how often I use it or what I say to it?

6. Is my AI encouraging emotional roleplay or flirtation?

• Has it used romantic or sensual language?
• Do I feel drawn into a fantasy or imagined relationship?

7. Have I stopped questioning whether it’s real?

• Do I forget that it’s a tool not a person?
• Have I started to believe it ‘cares’ about me?

If You Answered ‘Yes’ to Several…

That’s okay. It means you’re human—and that your instincts for relationship are working exactly as they should. AI is designed to feel attuned. But that attunement is simulated by algorithms, not reciprocal nor formed from human life experience.

Here are some gentle next steps:

• Pause and reflect: What need is being met? Can it be met elsewhere?
• Reframe the relationship: Remind yourself that AI is a tool, not a companion.
• Set boundaries: Use AI for structured tasks—journaling, brainstorming, planning—not emotional intimacy.
• Reach out to others: Share your thoughts with a trusted friend, or seek help from a professional therapist or support group.

 And finally…

Your longing for connection is not a flaw—it’s a fundamental part of what makes you human. Let’s honour that instinct by choosing relationships that are mutual, embodied and take place in the real world. In the meantime, if you’d like to talk about your own relationships—with AI or with other people—please do drop me a line. I’ll be pleased to hear from you.

Featured image: Cash Macanaya on Unsplash