The quiet power of being-with

Have you heard the saying ‘I think therefore I am’? It was coined by the philosopher René Descartes as long ago as 1637 and it’s become a kind of shorthand for defining what it means to be human, at least in many western cultures including our own—here we tend to think of ourselves as individuals first and foremost: thinkers and actors, occasionally unconstrained by our obligations to others.

Elsewhere, what it means to be human is seen quite differently. We are who we are because of the relationships we hold. In the Ubuntu philosophy of Southern Africa, ‘I am because we are’ defines humanity through a network of shared belonging, reciprocity and mutual care. Individual identity is intimately interwoven with collective life—with the ebb and flow of giving, receiving and being-with.

How does counselling come into this?

Decades of research and lived experience point to a consistent finding: the greatest predictor of therapeutic success is the quality of the relationship between therapist and client. It’s not the contents of the toolkit nor the cleverness of the interventions—it’s the being-with; the shared holding of time and space; the listening to a narrative as it unfolds, reshapes and breathes. The therapeutic relationship is where healing happens: not in doing, but in a warm, authentic and non-judgmental presence.

And this is in such stark contrast to one of the most pervasive ills of our time—loneliness: a sense of isolation that may not always be physical, but often of spirit or purpose. It’s sometimes spoken in quiet words of distress: ‘I don’t know who I am or what I’m for anymore.’ Such pain in those few words... A strong therapeutic relationship can be a balm to that distress—a shared space where questions of loss, purpose, anxiety, anger, belonging and hope can be spoken and heard safely. If life is a journey then counselling becomes a process of companionship, where the therapist walks beside you—not to lead or direct, but to witness, reflect, and support your travels.

The act of therapeutic being-with—of truly listening and not looking away—is itself a catalyst for repair. After all, humans are storytelling creatures—and to sit with and witness someone’s story is one of the most human acts we can offer.

Next steps

If you feel ready to begin your journey, I’d be glad to hear from you—please feel free to get in touch to arrange an appointment.

Featured image photo credit:
Red poppy blooms in a field of wildflowers – Unsplash